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~bLuE aMgiNe~a 23-year old literature major wanna be in her not so distant past, whom fate has tossed into the prosaic world of commerce, now a call center junkie and still an ally mcbeal fanatic who is extremely fascinated with english bulldogs and loathes math more than anything. a hopeless romantic who dreams of seeing the end of a rainbow and walking at a beach on a star studded night with the one she loves holding her by the hand.  i feeL:
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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
malou and i had lunch yesterday. she asked me to accompany her to makati med and right after that we went to powerplant to have lunch. i even bumped into a former co-employee at one of e-pldt. ritz, she was with her new boyfriend. hmm... kelan kaya ako magkakaron non? hehe i bet that would be next to impossible for me to have another one in this lifetime. going back, while malou and i were having lunch i suddenly realized that we have been friends for more than a decade now - 11 years. whew!!! that sure is something.... and i know that we will remain friends till we become really old.
thank God for friends... specially for the ones who stay.... (hehe sorry cant help it.) thank God for having an abundance of wonderful people who stay with me through thick and thin... and in these tough times i am totally grateful to have them in my life... of course that includes my blogger friends. hope u all know that i will be here for u guys, always....
Posted at Wednesday, June 23, 2004 by amgine
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
it's raining outside while i try to capture my feelings into words. i miss him, on days like this when i wish he could hold me and tell me that he will always be there. i miss the way he plays with the strands of my hair and the way he pulls me close in a securing embrace. its only been a week since i last saw him and it already feels like another lifetime.
i sent him a text message yesterday. when we were still together we used to send each other text message as if it was from our pup - Pebbles. i sent him one yesterday afternoon after Pebbles and i got home from her vet.
Me: daddy, 5kgs n ko. Ngpadeworm ulit ako knina. Miss k n nmin ng mommy. We love u. Wag mo dw pbyaan sarili mo n sori dw sbi mommy. pray k nmin lge. *arf* Pebbles
Ex: miss u 2
Me: si mommy di mo b miss? miss na miss k n nya eh.
Ex: masama loob ko. ayoko na.
Me: d nman ako nkkpagbalikan. i jst wna say sori 4 evrythng. hpe u fnd hapness n peace. ingat k plgi. God bless.
Ex: same 2 u. miss ko na si pebs. im stil prayin 4 u guys. hpe u find wat ur lookin 4.
i still wanted to respond to that but i guess God doesnt want me to coz the c.o.s. message appeared on my phone when i attempted to send in my reply. i just hope that he's okay and that he finds peace and that we'd be able to move on in time. without grudges, without remorse, with good memories and a lot of lessons learned.
as for me, i am focusing on reviving my personal relationship with God. i've that pain is a wake up call from God. i agree. he wants me to listen to Him and to do it now. i have been trying to ignore him for the longest time, thinking that i could make it on my own. but here i am, i ended up with a broken relationship and i ended up hurting the person i love most. from now on, i will put God in charge of my life again.
Posted at Tuesday, June 22, 2004 by amgine
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Sunday, June 20, 2004
it's a sunday and i'm sick. i wasnt able to go to work last night coz im burning with fever. had a bad case of tonsilitis. migosh! sobrang mahal ng lecheng antibiotic na yan, almost P200 per capsule ampotah tagal pa ng sahod ha at dapat 5 days ko sya inumin. waaaahhhh!!!
im starting to be okay now. nami-miss ko pa din sya kaya lang ganun talaga. mahirap pero kailangan ko din mahalin sarili ko. haaayyy... thank God for friends and families and dogs. hehe un lang po.
Posted at Sunday, June 20, 2004 by amgine
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Saturday, June 19, 2004
a new home for my troubled thoughts. contrary, to what my blogger friends are telling me, which is to keep my old blog, i've made a new home for my thoughts. it would be a haven for me. yes i am hiding away, coz i know that he still has access to my old url and will check it once in a while, that is if he still cares. but i just dont want him to get an idea how vulnerable i am at the moment and just how much i miss him.
yeah i miss him... but i guess i really saw it coming. not that i am not sad over what happened, but perhaps it would be proper to actually say that what i feel over what happened could no longer go deeper than sadness. sadness, that it didnt work out, that he couldnt see through me and my actions, that up to now he still doesnt realize that i only mean him well, that i am not demanding for those things for my own, but more so for his own benefit. but he is still stuck in that happy-go-lucky stage. his fave statement is:"im just 21, i wanna have fun." it turned to "im just 22..." and now it's "im just 23..." i wonder how long will it take him to have fun and start taking charge with his life... for all i know he's already 35 and he's still saying that line.
i got the chance to chat with liz (our expat boss in ohio - for kms program, the outbound thing we did for 2 weeks) and she said that it will be good to be reminded of the irritating traits and habbits of your ex while ur still on the mourning period. that way you will be able to move on and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
i am lost, really, im just gathering strength from my family, my dog, my blogger friends and of course the Lord. all i know is that one day he will reveal his plans to me. like what i was taught, obedience unlocks understanding. u dont have to understand u just have to obey first and then God will make u understand the reason beyond his actions. my fervent prayer as of late is for the Lord to take care of him, since i wont be there to do it anymore and that for him to be saved and have a personal relationship with the Lord. i was wrong in thinking that i could right the wrongs in his life, yes i admit now that i am wrong. it should've dawned earlier on me that i cannot change a person nor can i plan a person's life since i am not God. i am merely human and i have my flaws. he was deeply offended with my great desire to fix the things i see wrong in him, but yes he is right, i dont own him, thus i cannot change him.
Lord help me through this....
Posted at Saturday, June 19, 2004 by amgine
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